Step 1: Communicate and Set the Mood

Before you start, talk about it. Consent and comfort are crucial. Check in with your partner – ask if they’re in the mood and what they like or don’t like. Communication is “the absolute, number one tool” for pleasurable, consensual sex [2], so be open. You might say something like, “I’d love to pleasure you, is that okay?” or ask what feels good during the act.

Next, set a relaxed, sexy mood. Engage in light foreplay first. For example, kiss and caress their ears, neck, or chest to prime arousal [3]. This builds anticipation and helps both of you feel closer. Maybe light some candles, play soft music, or dim the lights. When you both feel excited and safe, you’re ready to move on.

Step 2: Clean Up and Get Comfortable

Good hygiene helps both partners feel confident. Fresh breath and clean hands can make a big difference. Brush your teeth or have mints handy. A quick shower or washing your face can help you feel fresh; in fact, just a quick rinse is usually enough to keep things feeling clean [4]. Your partner might also appreciate being fresh down there, since what you eat or wear can affect taste [4].

Make sure your hands and nails are clean and trimmed. Trim any sharp nails to avoid scratching. Wear something you feel good in (or nothing at all, if that’s comfortable). Arrange any pillows or towels you need nearby (for example, you might want a towel for spit or for after). When both of you feel tidy and comfortable, you can relax into the experience.

Step 3: Find a Comfortable Position

Pick a position where both of you feel relaxed. There’s no need for elaborate poses – comfort is key [5]. Here are some popular blowjob positions:

- Standing or sitting

He can stand or sit on the edge of a bed or chair while you kneel in front of him.

Lying down:

He can lie on his back with you kneeling or lying beside him. A pillow under your knees or hips can help you stay comfortable.

- Face-to-face: If you’re both sitting on a couch or bed, you can face each other and share eye contact or kisses.

Aim for a position that gives you good access without straining your neck or back. Eye contact can make the moment more intimate [6], so positioning yourself so you can see each other’s faces can be a bonus. Once you’re both comfortable and cozy, you’re ready to begin.

Step 4: Use Your Mouth – Techniques and Tips

Now comes the fun part: pleasuring him with your mouth. Use a combination of lips, tongue, and suction to keep things varied and exciting. Go slow at first and pay attention to what feels good for both of you.

Use Your Tongue

Your tongue is one of the most versatile tools you have. Try these techniques:
- Swirl and flick:

Use the tip of your tongue to circle around the sensitive head of his penis (especially the frenulum, the ridge under the tip). Flicking and circling here can feel amazing [7].
- Long licks:

Run your tongue from the base up to the tip in one smooth motion. Vary the speed and pressure.
- Flat tongue:

Press the flat of your tongue against the underside of the shaft or head and gently glide along. This adds a different sensation.

Experiment with different tongue patterns. You might alternate slow, teasing licks with gentle flicks. Tip: Moisture helps, so use plenty of spit or a flavored water-based lube on your tongue to keep things slick.

Use Your Lips and Mouth

Your lips can create suction and gentle pressure. Try these ideas:
- Envelop with your lips:

Part your lips slightly and slide them around the head and shaft, almost like taking a small bite (without teeth!). Close your lips gently around his penis.
- Vary suction:

Gently suck him into your mouth, using your throat muscles to create a vacuum feeling. Again, start slow and with light pressure [8]. Gradually increase your pace or suction as he gets more excited.

- Find a rhythm:

Once you have him in your mouth, pick a steady in-and-out rhythm that feels good. Aim for a motion that says “mmm, this feels nice” rather than “let’s hurry.” If he’s getting close, keep the same rhythm and pressure – sudden changes can lessen the feeling [8].

Always keep your teeth tucked away so they don’t scrape him [9]. You can focus on moving your lips and mouth around him. If your mouth is a bit dry, use a spray bottle of water or flavored lube inside your mouth for extra lubrication.

Use Your Hands

Don’t be afraid to multitask! Your hands can add a lot of pleasure while your mouth is working. For example:
- Stroke the shaft:

Use one hand to wrap around the base of his penis. Match the movement of your hand with your mouth, or alternate mouth and hand in a steady rhythm. This ensures he feels stimulation even when your mouth is full.
- Stimulate the frenulum:

With your hand, gently massage the underside of the shaft where the head meets the shaft. Your thumb can graze that sensitive ridge (the frenulum) as you slide up and down [10].
- Play with the balls:

Use your other hand to cup or massage his testicles and the base of his penis. Lightly rolling or squeezing the balls (if he’s comfortable) can heighten his arousal.

Using your hands also gives you the option to adjust how deep you take him. If he’s larger or if you need a break from suction, you can rely more on stroking with your hand and less mouth. It’s all about mixing it up to find what he (and you) enjoy.

Use Your Voice

Sounds can make the experience hotter. Don’t be shy to moan or make gentle noises. Soft moaning or even saying “mmm” or “yes” lets him know you’re enjoying it too [11]. Your vibration from moaning and breathing on him can add extra stimulation. It’s not about being rude; it’s about shared pleasure.

A bit of encouragement goes a long way. Whispering or moaning appreciatively can boost his confidence. Try whispering something like “you feel so good” or letting out little gasps. Heavy breathing and even a little slurp can feel amazing for him [11]. The key is to be authentic – react naturally to what feels good, and he’ll likely feel turned on by hearing and seeing your enjoyment.

Step 5: Finishing Up – Climax and Aftercare

As he gets close to orgasm, stay consistent with what’s working. Pay attention to his body language: often he’ll start thrusting his hips or gripping you tighter as he reaches climax [12]. At this point, don’t change your technique abruptly – just keep going with the same rhythm and pressure. Eye contact, moans, and a little extra speed can help him reach the peak [13].

When he’s about to come, you have choices and all are okay. You do not have to swallow if you’re not comfortable – there’s truly no pressure to do so [14]. You can let the semen pool in your mouth and then spit it into a towel, or let him finish at the edge of your lips or on your body (the chest, stomach, or thigh) if that feels better. Some people find it hot to see or feel it, and others prefer not. It’s up to you and what you agreed on.

After he’s finished, remember there’s no rush to end things unless you want to. You can count this as foreplay and continue with more kissing or other sex, if you both feel like it [15]. If you’re done, gently clean up – use a towel for any drips, and you might both want to shower or at least wipe off. A kiss or cuddle afterward can be a sweet way to connect after the intensity.

If at any point you need to stop (if your jaw is tired or you just want to switch things up), that’s totally fine. You have full control of how long you want to go [16]. It doesn’t have to end sex. You can transition to other stimulation like a handjob or sex, or just snuggle and enjoy the afterglow together.

Step 6: Extra Tips and Tricks

For extra flair, try some playful variations once you and your partner feel comfortable with the basics:
- Alternate mouth and hand: For example, do three strokes with your mouth, then two quick hand strokes, and repeat. Alternating can add surprise and rhythm.
- Use thigh pressure: Gently press his shaft between your inner thighs as you stroke with your hand or mouth. This “thigh squeeze” adds pressure without extra effort.
- Temperature play: Try sucking on him for a moment while holding a small ice cube against his penis, then warming it with your warm mouth. Cold then warm is an exciting contrast. (Make sure no direct ice inside mouth to avoid teeth pain.)
- Tease: After a few nice strokes, pull back slightly so he’s still hard but not in your mouth. Let him twitch a bit and anticipate, then dive in again. Building anticipation can make it more intense.
- Other erogenous zones: Don’t forget him! While giving the blowjob, you can simultaneously lightly suck on his ear lobe, kiss his neck, or play with his nipples. These extra touches make him feel loved and turn up the intimacy.
- Flavored lube or treats: A water-based flavored lube can make things tastier. Some people even sip a flavored drink beforehand. Just avoid anything oily or too sticky (oil-based lube or syrup can break latex and taste very sweet on the penis).
- No teeth: Always keep the side of your mouth free of teeth. If your teeth accidentally touch him, relax your jaw and let your lips cover the teeth edges.

The most important tip? Have fun and be confident. As you practice, you’ll discover what feels best for both of you. Don’t rush – building patience and anticipation is part of the art of oral sex.

Things to Keep in Mind

• Every body is unique. There’s no one-size-fits-all “correct” blowjob. Penises come in all shapes, sizes, and sensitivity levels [17]. Forget about porn’s perfect images [18] and focus on what your partner likes.

• Go at your own pace. You don’t have to deep-throat unless you want to. Gagging or discomfort is not a requirement for giving pleasure. In fact, the gag reflex only kicks in when something reaches the back of your throat [19], so you can control depth. Use your tongue and lips mainly; you can also use your hand if full insertion is too much.

• Stay clean and safe. Showering and brushing your teeth first can freshen things up [4]. If you or your partner are unsure about STD status, consider using a condom on the penis to reduce risk [20][21]. Flavored condoms are available that can make oral sex safer and more fun.

• Pay attention to cues. He’ll likely show you what he likes. Thrusting hips, moaning, or gripping you tightly are good signs [12]. If he seems tense or uncomfortable, check in or adjust what you’re doing.

• No need to perform. You’re in control, and you can slow down or stop whenever you like [16]. The goal is mutual enjoyment. If something doesn’t feel right, talk about it or take a break.

• If you want to explore techniques privately, a blowjob sex toy can be used as a neutral practice tool. It simply helps you experiment with depth or rhythm without needing a partner present.

Enjoy the process of learning together. With communication, curiosity, and practice, you’ll get better at giving a blowjob in a way that feels amazing for both of you.